I'm screwed up, I just can't wait to get done with school. No kidding, no shit. Just one more fucking year and I wish to be free from these stressful problems. I wanna leave this house, I wanna further my studies somewhere far from here. Even if I have to finish my diploma in Malaysia, I'll go fucking get a hostel key. I can't stand these anymore, I hate the fact that my parents (not both actually) still see me as a 6 years old kid. I can't make my own decision, I'm still forced to do this and that and now;
my mom wants to talk about my friends because I refuse to go to my dad's side family day because I said I wouldn't have friends there and I'm not even close to any of them. It's not fair that my brother and sister are allowed to skip it. It's way more unfair how she makes me feel guilty so I'd go. She's trying to say that my friends won't be there for me at the end of the day. So what's with all this while? My friends know how to make time for me, they drive me to the restaurants when you're not around so that your daughter could eat. They drive me to the dentist when our driver's taking a day off. Dear mom, your daughter Nur Atira fucking survive with the help of friends. Your daughter wishes you to be like in the movies, a mother who could actually look into my eyes and know what I'm going through. I wish you knew what I want in my life, I wish you'd be the one who I can turn to when I'm at my weakest point. You said you're my friend too like I don't need anybody else but you don't know me. You don't understand me. You don't even bother to ask about my school, friends or even my stupid love life. You never actually sit and talk to me. Yes, I gotta admit that without you, I'm nothing. Without you, I wouldn't get to see the world. Without you, I wouldn't be sitting and blogging right now. But I just want to live my life, as your daughter, without pressure. Just love and happiness, is that too much to ask? How I wish I had the guts to tell you all these. I'm sorry, I love you queen of my heart. So much.
